I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
