I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
