Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
