Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
