I should be sponsored by Trojan
Too much gin, very little bucket
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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