And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
