the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize