quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
