Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize