I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
