Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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