Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
