I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
