White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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