they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
