U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize