I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
