I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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