look no pants
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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