I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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