Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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