I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
