I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
