Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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