if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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