i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When did angry sex become our thing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
