so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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