i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
