so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
