I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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