boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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