I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
