Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
