So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
