Please, let me fuck your mom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
