dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
