You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
