Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
