Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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