She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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