an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
