i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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