i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
