He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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