Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
