it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
