she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
