Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
