call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
