He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I AM VODKA MAN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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