Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize