So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
