Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
