Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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