I wanna passion pit in your ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
