1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize