So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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