Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
