Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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