Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
