That's intense
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
