hotel room ftw
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize