I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
