A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
