Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
