I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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