I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
