The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
