the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize