i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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