Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
