Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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