I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
