i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
