I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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