Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
