Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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